So... how do I start this...
I know this might be a way too gloomy blog post on this blog site... but I really need to vent out my frustrations out loud.
This is an explanation about why I'm taking so long to get back into the swing of things, you all deserve it.
I'll get straight to the point... I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for almost all year at this point while I was trying my best to keep that smile hard... but it's finally time for that mask to fall off my face and I just can't run away from the truth anymore.
This year hasn't been really kind at all to all of us, and I'm not being an exception.
Ever since it has started the universe has been trying so hard to not let me do the things I love on the almost daily basis. I've been going through a lot of hardships, and unfortunately to this day I still am.
One of the main highlights to this was my second wisdom tooth extraction, which was really complicated to say the least. I've been having a really hard time during that.
Speaking about dental issues... yeah I'm still dealing with them and I have to go back next week to get my tooth filling replaced. I've been at dentist 14 times in total this year and next week is gonna be 15th. I never gone to the dentist's so much in my entire life before, this is hell.
Other one was our government throttling a bunch of non-local sites and that means I have to use a script to access them to this day. Because of this I'm unable to watch any cartoons, TV shows, anime since it's not proxifying some of the sites properly so this is quite a pain of the butt.
And another main highlight of those problems I can think of is sudden health issues. I've been having some issues with my throat last month which lasted for a few days... so I had to go to the doctor's and deal with medical appointments.
Despite all of this I've been trying my best to not give up... but it's getting so hard.
As I already said... this year hasn't been really kind to us... drawing is the only thing that keeps me sane especially during those dark times... but the universe hasn't been letting me distract myself for quite a while. Because of this I feel like I'm not that productive. The only proper time I was able to do that is during Art Fight, but after that life just came back to kick my butt.
All of my plans just keep falling through because of all of this.
And as of last couple of months it became really bad so it was the last straw.
I've been filled with existential dread on almost daily basis at this point, I've been having a lot of times when I just wanted to... quit. (I don't really wanna say actual thing because it'd be too dark.)
I haven't been doing okay mentally and I still am...
I can't function properly like this, I don't feel like a human anymore. I'm so close to just cracking.
But now you know why I'm taking too long to get back into the swing of things properly.
At this point I don't know when I'll be consistent with art again, at least for the rest of this month that's for sure. I may just stick to only one new artwork per week in the meantime and/or post some old ones to compensate but hopefully next month I'm gonna make up to you all. It's gonna be spooky month so it better not suck because it's gonna be my most favorite time of the year.
I may also post less on Bluesky besides posting/bumping my art and liking/boosting/replying to other folks' stuff, and for Mastodon users I may just stick to posting/bumping my art for another while. Not sure about activity on hjonk, I may just ditch the site in the future. We shall see.
In addition I'm also pausing my review blog site activity indefinitely. I know I only posted one review and because of that I feel like I'm letting you down, but I just don't feel like continuing it while I'm going through everything.
I'm so sorry if I'm disappointing you all... I know the delays in everything suck but I really hope you can wait just a little bit longer. I miss being productive a lot and I wanna get back to it. I promise I'm not quiting, I just need more time.
Thank you all so much for being patient with me while I keep dealing with the horrors from the universe. I hope to be back properly soon enough and then I can be a silly bunpaca on the internet again.
I love you all so much.
Please take care of yourselves and I'll see you later.